Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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