Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
