I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
