He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
