weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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