Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
