So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
