my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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