i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
