Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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