So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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