Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
