You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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