i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
