i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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