i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
