they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
