btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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