Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
