i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
