i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
