I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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