i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
