She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
