He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
