someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
