Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
