I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
