she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
