when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's get the cat blown out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
