I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
