I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
