Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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