wanna go halves on a baby?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
