I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
