There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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