You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
