You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
