I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
