when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up