And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
