I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
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I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship