He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.