I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.