I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
