dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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