He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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