Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
