you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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