He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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