i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
