Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
