I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
