hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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