i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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