Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
