I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
