if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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