I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
