and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
