u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Terrible idea I love it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
