well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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