Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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