Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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