Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
