I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
