so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
