As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
