GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
