My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i think im in europe. pls send help
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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