I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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