Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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