I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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