Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
