I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
