Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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