I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
