I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
