he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
