You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
