I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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