meet me or not, i'm out of control
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You've changed since you got that strap on
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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