yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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