That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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