she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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