I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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