Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
