He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
