Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
