I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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