Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His hands were made for my vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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