Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
