Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
