ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
